Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
