I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
