On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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