I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
