areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
