His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
