i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
