yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i now understand why vodka
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
