I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
