I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
