why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
