Im at strip club and am horny
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
