i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
