The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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