The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
