You just made me feel so damn special
You're so nebulous sometimes
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
