someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
