my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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