Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
