half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
