matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
