There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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