we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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