Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The adults are the big ones right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
