She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
