he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you never un-have a 4some
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
