we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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