I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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