i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
