I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize