fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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