we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
