Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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