I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
