what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
