I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The air was thick with penises
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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