i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
