friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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