Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
