So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
