She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
