the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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