i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
