you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
