He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize