There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Farmville is her only friend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
