i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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