so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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