My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
