My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You're like the curious george of whores
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
