just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
