sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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