Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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