"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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