she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
