people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
