so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
