Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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