Yo dont text me then not text me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
