After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
