I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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