U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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