i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
