He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Randomize
