Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
