Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
