you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
