hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
