i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
