just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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