you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
