I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize